I've had a rough last couple of weeks. I'm stressed, I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm exhausted. I have always loved blogging and while I've never really known what it was for, I always did it. I started to do it for my family so they could stay updated on things going on, but to tell you the truth, not much of my family actually reads it. Then I started getting excited that "strangers" were reading it after I wrote this post. I was fascinated that people I didn't even know had found their way to my blog and were reading it. And it made me excited.
Since then I've been writing for myself and you. It is wonderful to get to share our renovation with people who actually care what we're doing. People who are interested. People who give you advice. And people that share in your dilemmas and triumphs. It is a wonderful little strange community that I feel so lucky to get to be a part of. And then Zoe came. And it's been so exciting that people I don't know in real life are so willing to share their own lives and give advice and become part of another small community.
I always knew that renovating was hard work. Parenting was hard work. Having multiple jobs was hard work. Starting your own business was hard work. But Chris and I have pressed on as hard as we could. And just recently blogging had started some pretty cool adventures. Almost 4 years after I started blogging we got to go on the Renovation Roadtrip, we got an article on the front page of the SF Chronicle, we've been featured on Bobvila.com and just a couple weeks ago someone from HGTV reached out to us (which was fucking awesome). We've had companies write to us to review their products or give us things and we've always tried to keep things as authentic as possible along the way.
But I'm starting to get tired. And sad. I feel like I'm not devoting enough time to myself, Zoe, Chris, my jobs, this blog...it gives me anxiety just thinking about all of it. The hardest part is realizing that when I don't blog, I lose readers. That kind of sucks. And I realize that I shouldn't care at all and that I blog for myself, but it also makes me feel like a little bit of a blogging failure to know that because our life is so busy and we haven't had time to work on the house that all the blogging I have worked up to is starting to dwindle.
I realize that makes me sound incredibly ungrateful for the many, many of you who cheer me on every single day, who ask for advice, and who email me. Some of you I've even been so lucky enough to meet in real life. The truth of the matter is in a strange (but I promise not creepy) way, I love all of you people so much for sharing your lives, tips, memories and ears. Or, I guess actually your eyes :) I feel so lucky to have found a group of you who swear like me, complain like me, cheer like me and I must say: you are just flat out awesome.
But I must be honest with you awesome readers: I need a break. I'm not sure how long. But it's time for me to recharge. For the last 4 1/2 years I've blogged at least 4 times a week, nearly every week. During that time I've gone to school full time, had as many as 5 jobs at a time, been pregnant, had a baby, started a business, and various other endeavors. I've never wanted to be a quitter or admit that I've taken on more than I can handle. But, I think I have taken on more than I can handle. And, for a little while I have to hit the reset button. I don't know if that will take 1 day, 1 week or 1 month. But it will take some time. I'm not sure if I'll return to the same frequency either. I know that some of you won't stick around and I'm okay with that. I started this blog to share my thoughts without ever realizing that there would be more than 5 people listening to them. So it's okay if you find yourself somewhere else. To those of you who do stick around: thank you for always virtually being here for me. I truly do get a big fat smile on my face whenever I get a comment, email or read something that you too have written that hits so close to home. You are amazing.
And one last thing before I go: happy 6 month birthday to my wonderful little daughter Zoe. It's time I spend more time with you not stressed out and overwhelmed. I love you my babbling, toe grabbing, rolly polly, little beautiful, smart and determined stinker. You are the best thing there is